For some, the notion of entering a serious, long-term relationship can bring comfort, while for others, it can be quite intimidating. Not everyone envisions a traditional path of marriage and children, and that’s perfectly valid. However, if neither an open relationship nor long-term singledom appeals to you, the issue may not be with a specific partner but rather with your feelings about commitment in general.
Recognizing and understanding your apprehensions about commitment requires honest self-reflection. Professional matchmaker and dating coach Thalia Ouimet points out that there are various reasons why someone might feel anxious about monogamy. Factors such as zero relationship history, traumatic experiences from divorced parents, or a lack of professional help after a bad relationship can contribute to commitment fears.
If you find yourself hesitant about settling down but desire a long-term relationship, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you are incapable of love or commitment. The first crucial step is acknowledging that there is some level of fear, and below, we delve into signs that may indicate commitment apprehension.
Signs You’re Afraid of Commitment:
You Don’t Consider Your Partner When Making Plans:
- Neglecting to involve your significant other in plans may suggest a fear of commitment or a low level of interest in the relationship.
…Or When Planning for the Future:
- Hesitation to include your partner in long-term plans may indicate a fear of long-term commitment, potentially linked to an ‘avoidant’ attachment style.
You’re Known to Cancel Plans:
- Consistently canceling plans could be a sign of commitment fear, reflecting an avoidant tendency in various aspects of life.
You’re Guilty of Ghosting:
- Ghosting, or suddenly cutting off communication, may be an attempt to create distance and could be indicative of commitment fears.
You’re Bad at Answering Your Phone and Texts:
- Prioritizing communication is crucial in relationships, and neglecting it may suggest an avoidant attachment style or a fear of commitment.
You Feel Trapped When in a Relationship:
- If commitment makes you feel trapped rather than secure, open communication is essential to understand and address these feelings.
You Get Uncomfortable When Your Partner Expresses Their Needs and Expectations:
- Feeling uneasy or upset when your partner expresses needs may indicate discomfort with long-term commitment.
You Often Question Whether You Want to Be With Your Partner:
- Constantly questioning the desire for a relationship, regardless of the partner, may signal an overarching fear of commitment.
The Idea of Finding “The One” Makes You Anxious:
- If the thought of a lifelong commitment brings fear instead of hope, commitment issues may be at play.
You Have a History of Short Relationships:
- Jumping ship when relationships become serious may suggest a fear of getting close to anyone.
You Always Want to Keep Things Casual:
- Consistently preferring casual relationships might indicate a reluctance to commit on a deeper level.
You’re Scared of Getting Hurt:
- Fear stemming from past hurts may lead to avoiding deep, romantic relationships.
- Sabotaging relationships may be a way to exert control over their end, particularly if they make you happy but trigger fear of an impending breakup.
You’ve Convinced Yourself That You Don’t Want to Commit:
- Reexamining your views on commitment is crucial, as convincing yourself you don’t want commitment may be a defense mechanism.
You Don’t Open Up:
- Difficulty sharing feelings can be a barrier to a committed relationship, as vulnerability is a significant aspect of it.
You Easily Find Faults in Others:
- Constantly finding reasons not to deepen a relationship may suggest commitment phobia.
How to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment:
- Acknowledge your fear of commitment.
- Seek professional help to unpack and address the root causes.
- Practice commitment in small steps to build trust and confidence.
- Embrace self-discovery and growth with kindness and patience.
Remember, overcoming commitment fears is a journey, and being compassionate with yourself is essential.